


Not tonight

by litra



Series: Episode snippets [8]
Category: For the People (TV 2018)
Genre: Character Study, Episode Related, Episode: s01e07 Have You Met Leonard Knox?, Feelings, Gen, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 08:18:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17721551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litra/pseuds/litra
Summary: Where does Leonard go when he tells the cab driver to drive at the end of episode seven.





	Not tonight

 

"It doesn't matter," Leonard told the cab driver, and they pulled away from his chance to get his name out there. His chance to milk this for all it was worth. His mother would be frowning at him. She wouldn't say anything. That had always been worse. Just her disapproving scowl and crossed arms.

Leonard saw that young woman, tied to the radiator, tears in her eyes. Screaming, begging for help until her voice gave out, curling in on herself. 

Leonard had been honest when he'd told Kate that he didn't know why this case hit him so hard.

It would be so much easier if he had a reason. If he had a story. If he could point to a time in his childhood when he'd seen some other kid getting picked on, and done something - or not done something. If maybe, he'd been that kid and met the eyes of a stranger silently begging for them to intervene, to help him. 

That's something he could talk about up in front of that crowd. A pivotal moment that changed things. The reason for his anger. The reason he was willing to fight so hard, push so far. Make it simple, something the audience could understand. They would nod and pack it away in a little box where they could look at it safely and not feel guilty when they didn't fight as hard as he did. After all they didn't have his reasons. 

Except he didn't have his reasons. It wasn't a neat little story with a beginning, middle and end. This wasn't a happy ending. That girl was still dead.

Leonard hit the door with a fist. The driver glanced at him in the rearview mirror. Leonard uncurled his fingers, and ran his hand over his face. They were slowly making their way down Broadway. On a friday night there were plenty of people out, all dressed to the nines and smiling, casually arm in arm. He could step out of the car right now and be perfectly in place in his suit and tie. 

He could buy a cup of coffee at a late night diner or get a drink and flirt with the waitress and no one would realize who he was. No one would know his name. Normally that was something he would chafe against, but right now he almost wanted it. He wanted it, but he didn't know how to do that. 

Looking out the window he saw that girl's face on all the women, tears glittering from diamond earrings, and blood in bright red lipstick. Every man looked like Jared Nash, watching death unfurl like a flower or turning away so he didn't have to see. 

Anywhere, he'd told the driver but what he really meant was nowhere. He wanted to rinse out his brain and forget about this case. Forget the victim and the guilty party both. He didn't want to celebrate. This wasn't worth celebrating. It wasn't...

It was...

He wanted to run. Work himself until he fell into bed too exhausted to think. He wanted to call up Hanna and fuck her until they both blacked out. He wanted to drink until pickled himself.  There wasn't anyone he could talk to about this. There wasn't anywhere he could go, or comfort he could surround himself with. He'd still have to get up and go to work in the morning where Roger would congratulate him in his offhand way, and Kate would nod with a little smile, and he'd have to brush off his success with just the right amount of casual deference. He'd have to play the game.

Well fuck the game.

For one night he wasn't going to be Leonard Knox, rising star. He was just going to be Leonard, Len, Leo. Mr. Knox was officially off the clock.

"Do you live in the city?" Leonard asked out of the blue.

His driver looked up at the mirror, "I live out in Queens."

Leonard nodded, "You get into town often?"

The driver shrugged. "I see a lot of it, but I don't really get to really visit many places." He waved at the cab around them. 

Leonard nodded again, rubbing a hand over his mouth. "What's the most popular place you take people?"

The driver considered for a minute or two, "Well, the locals go all over the place, and there are hotels and the airport, but the most common... I guess that'd be the empire state building. The observation deck is open until midnight, you know. The lights of the city are supposed to be amazing."

"Take me there," Leonard said, letting his gaze drift back to the window. The stream of people thinned but didn't stop. The clothing shifted to long coats and suit jackets. He made a point of not looking at faces.

Too soon the driver pulled to a stop and quoted a price. Leonard looked up at the most iconic building in New York. He considered telling the driver to keep going, but no. He'd said he wanted to come here. He couldn't ever remember going up to the observation deck, but he supposed he must have at some point.

Leonard handed the driver cash and stepped onto the pavement. He paid for a ticket and waited for his turn in the elevator. He swallowed, popping his ears as they rose. 

The observation deck wasn't empty but it wasn't crowded. There were a handful of young women, laughing about something. There was a young man leaning over the railing to take pictures of the city below them.

There was the night sky. The wind. The dark. The light from below like a sea of stars. Out on the bay he could see the floodlights illuminating the statue of liberty. She looked tiny from here, not imposing or confident or kind. she was struggling against the darkness, just like he was. 

Leonard leaned on the railing, fingers going numb, as his lips chapped from the wind. He looked down at the city and could finally breathe.

 

 


End file.
